Texts From Unova
by SuperSandri
Summary: You gotta love Text-transceivers.
1. Chapter 1

**Texts From Unova**

Disclaimer: I'll never own.

* * *

**Cheren: **Bianca, how do you brush a Lillipup's fur?

**Bianca: **I think getting a hairbrush is a start.

**Cheren: **Was that a joke? Because jokes like that don't translate well into words.

**Bianca: **I wasn't joking, but do you want to hear one?

**Bianca:** Okay, what do you say when a fighting type knocks a tree over?

**Bianca:** TIMBURR!

**Bianca: **Get it?

**Bianca: **Cheren? Are you there?

**Bianca: **Where'd you go?

**Bianca: **Please don't be mad at me, Hilda told me that one.

* * *

**Hilda: **I'm at home in Nuvema.

**Hilbert: **Yeah, and?

**Hilda: **My mom's not home, can you come over?

**Hilbert: **To do what?

**Hilda: **Kiss.

**Hilda: **Rip clothes off.

**Hilda: **Repeat.

**Hilda: **Get my drift?

**Hilbert: **As you know, I'm a hormonal teenager. Therefore, when ever a drift like this comes in my direction, I grab onto said drift for dear life.

**Hilda: **Is that a yes?

**Hilbert: **I'll be there in an hour.

* * *

**Burgh: **You're only mad because my paintings look better than anything from your photoshoots.

**Elesa: **And you're only mad because I can wear heels bigger than your dick.

* * *

**Lenora: **I found a moonstone in the park. I'm taking it.

**Lenora: **Update, a small child just picked it up.

**Lenora: **Stupid laws, I can't take it now.

**Lenora: **Oh wait, they just tripped.

**Lenora: **I have to be quick.

**Hawes: **Inform me if you grab it.

**Lenora: **FREE MOONSTONE!

* * *

**Skyla: **For the last time, I cannot give you a free skydiving trip with my plane.

**Clay: **Awwww...

* * *

**Cilan: **Cress, I had that expensive bottle of Merlot in the cellar and I went down there to find that said bottle empty. Do you know anything about this?

**Cress: **No, ask Chili.

**Cilan: **All right. Where is he?

**Cress: **Sleeping in the bathtub.

**Cilan: **What?! For how long?

**Cress: **Since lunch.

**Cilan: **AND WHY DID YOU WAIT UNTIL THE AFTERNOON TO INFORM ME THAT OUR MIDDLE BROTHER WAS CURRENTLY PASSED OUT?

**Cress: **I thought he was taking a nap!

**Cilan: **Cress, this is why we cannot have nice things.

* * *

**Elesa: **Did you get those photos I sent you?

**Skyla: **Yeah, so what do you plan to do with these outfits?

**Elesa: **Just pick the one that says:_ I'm here to look fabulous, battle, and participate in musicals! And I've been banned from the theatre because I had no idea that cutting that rope would cause set pieces to drop!_

**Skyla: **Fluffy coat.

**Elesa: **Thank you!

* * *

**Cheren: **Did you teach Bianca how to make puns?

**Hilda: **Yes, and my student has finally graduated.

**Cheren: **Why did you do that? I am now trapped in an endless vortex of bad humour. That is the experience of being friends with you.

**Hilda: **My jokes are cheesy, but they're pretty gouda!

**Cheren: **Please stop.

**Hilda: **Hey, what music do Roggenrola despise? Rock 'n Roll, ugh!

**Hilda: **Hello? Four-eyes?

**Hilda: **Fine, leave then. I have better things to do.

**Hilda: **Actually, I don't.

**Hilda: **Hey, wanna hang out?

* * *

**Grimsley: **Yes! We are banging! I put quotations around the 'grinding' when I said: Level grinding.

* * *

**Hilbert:** I just tackled my twelve year old cousin and pinned him to the floor to brush his hair. I can handle a wild Bouffulant.

* * *

**Brycen: **Who wore it better? Me or Elesa?

**Iris: **Elesa.

**Brycen: **You little bitch. I got an entire team of ice types that could take your wimpy dragon types down.

**Iris: **Lots of dragon types can learn fire moves.

**Brycen: **Dammit!

* * *

**Hilda: **DESCRIBE YOURSELF TO ME.

**Hilbert: **Are you trying to sext?

* * *

_**For someone who enjoys E-rated games, I cannot write for children. **_


	2. Chapter 2

**Texts From Unova part 2**

Disclaimer: I'll never own.

* * *

**Hilbert: **Where are you? I knocked on your house door twice and I got no answer.

**Hilda: **I'm sick and wrapped up in a blanket burrito. Climb up and carry me downstairs.

* * *

**Bianca:** I JUST DISCOVERED COFFEE!

**Bianca: **I FEEL GREAT!

**Bianca: **HOLD ON, WHO IS THIS?

**Lenora: **It's Lenora. How did you get my number?

**Bianca: **I DON'T KNOW. LIFE IS AMAZING, RIGHT?

**Lenora: **I have a strong feeling that I should call you a cab or something.

**Lenora:** Hello? Where'd you go?

**Lenora: **Oh no, you must've crashed from the caffeine high.

**Lenora:** I'll alert someone.

* * *

**Elesa:** Please remember that as well as a super model, I'm also a good gymnast. Therefore, do not get me drunk near anything I could flip off of.

* * *

**Cheren: **You like Hilda, don't you?

**Hilbert: **Yep, nice smile, good sense of humor, and a great butt.

**Cheren: **DO NOT SEXUAL OBJECTIFY MY FRIEND.

* * *

**Juniper:** My father just informed me that I'm here because he was too drunk to pull out.

* * *

**Hilda:** Lenora, I just found Bianca passed out in Castelia City's cafe. You were the last number she contacted. What happened?

**Lenora:** She appeared to be on a caffeine high. Is she all right?

**Hilda:** If you call passed out by a large dent in the wall with a red mark on her forehead all right, then yeah.

* * *

**Pryce:** BURGH. THE WALLS IN YOUR GYM BETTER GIVE ME BACK MY LEG HAIR.

* * *

**Hilbert:** Remind me and everyone around you that eating strange berries in the wild is a terrible idea.

**Hilda:** This probably has a great story behind it.

**Hilbert:** Here's the short version. My cousin just spent his entire day in Nimbasa trapped in the hospital getting his stomach pumped.

**Hilbert:** He reminds me of myself.

* * *

**Cheren:** I stepped on an Audino today for the first time.

**Juniper:** That's great, they're good for level grinding.

**Cheren:** Well, this one actually got mad at me and chased me all the way to Opelucid City.

**Cheren:** A wild Audino now owes me a pair of glasses.

**Cheren:** And a new pair of pants.

* * *

**Hilda:** CHECK IT. WILD WAILORD HOPPING.

**Cheren:** Text me if you survive.

**Hilda:** I DON'T FEAR LONG-LASTING INJURIES. LONG-LASTING INJURIES FEAR ME!

* * *

**Skyla:** Texting while flying is an interesting experience. Because when you're high enough, you still feel fear even though there's not much to hit.

* * *

**Iris:** There's this game where you walk up to a wild Bouffulant and slap it's butt. Then you run away like hell. Winner gets their life.

**Hilda:** Bring it.

* * *

**Lenora:** On one hand, I should happy that I got my period. But on the other hand, I had names picked out.

* * *

**Elesa:** Can I fly the plane?

**Skyla:** No.

**Elesa:** But I know how.

**Skyla:** No.

* * *

**Marshall:** I'm 6'3 weighing in with 200lbs of muscle. If that's not anyone's type then I don't know what is.

* * *

**Hilda:** I FELL INTO CASTELIA'S SEWERS AND THE GRIMER AND MUK HAVE JUST MADE ME THEIR SEWER LORD.

**Hilda:** FEAR ME. FOR I AM NOT HILDA, I AM SEWER LORD.

* * *

_I got an odd sense of humour, and as you can tell, I've got a real thing for Chessshipping. Bite me. _


End file.
